


Be Alright

by getoffmybarricade



Category: Les Miserables
Genre: Cheating, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Pain, Recovery, Song fic, break-ups, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/getoffmybarricade/pseuds/getoffmybarricade
Summary: look up from the groundTo see your sad and teary eyesYou look away from meAnd I see there’s something you’re trying to hideOr the one where Enjolras cheats on Grantaire
Relationships: Combeferre/Courfeyrac (Les Misérables), Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Be Alright

_I look up from the ground_  
 _To see your sad and teary eyes You look away from me_  
 _And I see there’s something you’re trying to hide._  
  
The dark sky covered Paris like a mask, threatening and cold. Icy rain splashed onto the cobbled pavements, pounding onto the concrete and beating at the windows of the houses lining the streets. The moon was the only light source, other than the flickering of the street lamps, and the better part of the city was covered in shadows.   
  
A man stood in one of the dark alleyways, partly disclosed in the shadow of the night, leaning against the brick wall of one of the old shops with his head resting on his arm. Grantaire inhaled sharply, his voice catching in his chest. His head was pounding and his eyes seemed to be incapable of spilling any more tears. _Why?_ He wanted to scream. _I gave everything had and it still wasn’t enough. Why_?   
  
His mind was completely numb, too hurt and angry to focus on anything else. Grantaire let out a whimper of frustration, slamming his fist against the wall. And again. Over and over again until he knuckles were bloodied and raw, his eyes once again leaking tears before he set off running.   
  
He didn’t know where he was going, only that the rain was trickling down his neck, freezing him to bone. It bit at his exposed skin and ran in his eyes, he couldn’t see or think, blinded by his pain and anger until he came to a stop.   
  
He was stood outside the door he’d spent the last three years showing up at. But instead of the grin usually plastered over his face, it was sadness. Pure, raw sadness.   
  
_And I reach for your hand but it’s cold You pull away again  
And I wonder,   
__What’s on your mind?_  
  
He didn’t know how long he stood there, soaking wet and chilled to the bone. He kept his eyes on the door, willing Enjolras to open it, to see him. But at the same time dreading the moment he would.   
  
He guessed he must have knocked, or made some attempt at it, because the door was thrown open, and Enjolras on the threshold. Grantaire watched as his eyes widened, mouth falling open as he took in his state. “Grantaire?” He said.   
  
And it hurt him that there was no pain in his voice, no regret or guilt or anything. Just the sight of him stood there, in all his glory, made Grantaire’s chest tighten, his heart speed up. But Enjolras grabbed his arm and pulled him inside, dragging them both into his kitchen. “What’s-“ he started, but then he trailed off. He saw the tear tracks and the bloody knuckles and it was almost like Grantaire could see his brain piecing it all together and his hand covering his mouth.   
  
_And then you say to me you’ve made a dumb mistake  
You start to tremble And your voice begins to break   
You say the cigarettes on the counter weren’t your friend’s  
_ _They were my mate’s  
And I feel the colour draining from my face_

“Who told you?” He whispered, face pale and lips trembling.   
  
Grantaire felt his blood turn cold. So Courfeyrac wasn’t lying then, he didn’t misunderstand it. It was true.   
  
  
“R, please...it was a stupid mistake-“ 

“-Why, Enjolras? Why? Where did I go wrong? What did I do?”   
  
“Nothing! Nothing, it was me. Grantaire-“.   
  
“-who was it?”   
  
“Please-“  
  
“WHO FUCKING WAS IT?”   
  
Enjolras trembled, tears streaming down his cheeks, and Grantaire slammed his hand down on the counter.   
  
Enjolras had no right, _no right_ , to be upset about this! It was _his_ choice. _He_ cheated. _He_ threw away everything they’d worked towards for years; their relationship, their trust and their love.   
  
Of course, he’d always love the golden haired god stood in front of him, he knew that. No matter how many times Enjolras fucked him over, tore out his fragile heart, he’d always love him. But he also knew he deserved better...he just wasn’t sure if he would be able to let him go.   
  
“The new guy that came to the ABC meeting yesterday,” Enjolras whispered between broken sobs .   
  
Then new guy.   
  
He’d known this guy for less than a day, and yet he still decided to throw away everything for him. Grantaire broke Enjolras’s gaze and ran a hand through his tangled hair. He was shivering, and not just from the cold, but when Enjolras tried to touch his arm he flinched away like he’d been burned.   
  
“Don’t fucking touch me.” He spat, his eyes narrowed and gleaming with anger.

“R-“   
  
“-Don’t call me that,”   
  
the nickname was like a dagger through his heart. It reminded him of all of the times they’d spent together; the nights they’d laughed away and the kisses they’d shared under the Paris moonlight.   
  
“Grantaire please! You deserve so much better than me, but please! I love you. I can’t loose you...” Enjolras was sobbing harder now, his pretty face blotched and red. He still looked fucking beautiful though, Grantaire thought bitterly.   
  
“I know.”   
He replied, and for a moment he saw Enjolras’s face light up, hope flickering in his glassy eyes. But any trace of that was wiped clean when he spat, “I know I deserve better than you.”   
  
  
_And my friends say,_

_  
_ _I know you love him, but it’s over mate_ _It doesn’t matter put the phone away_

_It’s never easy to walk away  
Let him go, it’ll be alright _   
  
“Nothing-barely anything even happened,” Enjolras stuttered, and it was the first time he’d ever heard his Fearless Leader stutter. And it hurt him more than anything.   
  
“Did he come back here?” Grantaire said quietly. He knew the answer, knew what he should get as a reply. But he was giving Enjolras one last chance to come clean, to tell the truth. And if not, he knew it was over.   
  
There was a small silence filled with so much tension and anger that it was painful. Grantaire could hear his heart thudding inside of his chest, blood pounding in his ears before- 

“-No.”   
  
And it was like Grantaire’s entire world collapsed. He let out a muffled sob and walked over to windowsill, where a packet of cigarettes lay. They weren’t his; he’d given up smoking months ago, and he knew Enjolras didn’t smoke. He threw the box in Enjolras’s face, his chest heaving as a fresh wave of pain hit him again.   
  
“We’re done.” He whispered, and walked out of the kitchen. He heard the other man’s cries and pleads as he left, felt him tug at his jacket, like everything was in slow motion, and it tore through him. He was so tempted to turn around, to forgive him and move on, but he just couldn’t. Cheating was a choice, not a mistake.   
  
Enjolras knew what he was doing and Grantaire wasn’t going to waste his time having his heart trampled over again.   
  
It was still raining outside.   
  
  
_So I still look back at all the messages you’d sent  
And I know it wasn’t right but it was fucking with my head  
And everything deleted like the past year was gone   
And when I touched your face I could tell you were moving on. _  
  
  
The next few days were like torture. Grantaire did nothing but lay on his sofa and drink himself stupid.   
He cried and screamed and threw things around but it made no difference. They were over.   
  
Enjolras didn’t love him anymore.   
  
And he couldn’t help but scroll through their messages, his cheesy memes and gifs he’d sent whilst Enjolras was working to cheer him up. Or the ‘ _morning’_ and ‘ _goodnight_ ’ texts.   
  
He wondered where he’d gone wrong, what he’d done to deserve this, but he never found that answer- try as he might to find it in the bottom of another bottle.   
  
When his friends called, he ignored them. Ignored Courfeyrac calling though the letter box, Combeferre’s persistent knocking. He pressed a cushion to his face and blocked out the noise and the pain and the hurt.   
  
When Joly brought him food, he didn’t answer the door. And when sweet, lovely Jehan posted him poetry and artwork, he left them unread. He knew it wasn’t their fault, of course not. But every little thing reminded him of his and Enjolras’s relationship. Because they were Enjolras’s friends too, it all felt like it had never been real.   
  
And yet it had; the laughter and the tears and the happiness he’d once felt. Because Enjolras was still stuck in his broken mind-golden and beautiful. He’d thought they’d worked-their individual incompleteness bringing them together.   
  
It just hadn’t been enough.   
_  
_  
_And it’s not the fact that you kissed him yesterday,  
It’s the feeling of betrayal that I just __can’t seem to shake  
And everything I know tells me that I should walk away  
But I just want to stay... _

No matter how much he wanted to fall back into Enjolras’s arms, he couldn’t. He had to stay strong. For himself.   
  
So he slowly began to reconnect with his friends-not with Enjolras, of course, that was still too painful. But he answered Bossuet’s phone calls and he let Eponine come round. He stopped by at Combeferre and Courfeyrac’s house and had a a drink with Bahorel. 

  
He was slowly piecing himself back together again, ignoring the fact that he was missing what he loved the most. 

  
  
_I_ _know you love him, but it’s over mate It doesn’t matter put the phone away  
Its never easy to walk away   
Let him go, it’ll be okay   
  
It’s gonna hurt for a bit of time   
So ‘bottoms up’ and let’s forget tonight You’ll find another and you’ll be just fine Let him go, it’ll be alright. _  
  
The days slowly slipped into weeks, and then into months, and the pain began to subside. Not by much, but still a little. It still stung when he saw Enjolras laughing with the guy, the happiness etched into his beauty, and when the fiery blue eyes caught his own, he pretended to notice himself getting choked up.   
  
When he looked across the room, he still saw Enjolras’s passion light up his face when he gave his speech. But he kept his eyes down, not meeting the blue ones, and he didn’t hang around after the meetings. It was okay though, he’d rather be spared the heartache anyway.   
  
_But nothing heals the past like time  
And they can’t steal the love you were born find.   
Nothing heals the past like time   
And they can’t steal the love you were born to find _  
  
His own love was taken away from him in the form of a new man, and whilst Grantaire knew that a part of Enjolras would always love him, he didn’t want to take what was there away from him.   
  
He could see from the glances across the room and the half smiles that Enjolras was doing okay, he was okay, and that was enough. He couldn’t take that happiness away.   
  
_I know you love him, but it’s over mate_  
 _It doesn’t matter put the phone away It’s never easy to walk away_  
 _Let him go, it’ll be okay_   
  
He was learning to accept that he needed to move on, start anew. And though he knew that he may never love properly again, it’s didn’t matter.   
  
His life couldn’t go back to the way it used to be, but he could still move forwards. Try again.   
  
_It’s gonna hurt for a bit of time  
So ‘bottoms up’ and let’s forget tonight You’ll find another and you’ll be just fine Let him go, it’ll be alright _  
  
Grantaire didn’t need the drink to keep him going anymore. He knew there might always be days when he felt like he couldn’t be happy again, but it would be alright. Eventually, anyway.   
  
  
_It’ll be alright_

A few weeks later found Grantaire sat behind his steering wheel, determination etched onto his face. He needed to leave the past behind him and try again.   
  
His last bits and pieces were packed away into the back of his car; photo albums and boxes of memories.   
  
He started the car, a single tear sliding down his cheek but he opened his phone’s contacts with a shaking hand anyway.   
  
He’d spent months staring at that name in his contacts list. Months of tears and screams and cursing, but now it didn’t look so painful.   
  
  
_Enjolras_

With a single swipe of his thumb, the name, the memories and the pain was erased from his phone.   
  
It was okay, he’d be okay.   
  
  
_It’ll be alright..._

**Author's Note:**

> The song is called Be Alright, by Dean Lewis  
> It’s an amazing song so go listen to it!!  
> Anyway  
> Thanks :)


End file.
